Call Me Uno
In a controversial decision, Dorning FC’s owner, Benjamin John Peters, is reinstating the team’s former manager. Known as the Ingenious One, Benjamin Peters struggled last year to keep the now sophomoric team atop the Fantasyship. It remains to be seen, however, if an infusion of ingenuity can plug Dorning FC’s pockmarked hull.
During a widely viewed Skype teleconference—the Ingenious One is unable to reside in America—the Ingenious One said, “No longer am I the Ingenious One. From this moment onwards, I will simply be, ‘Uno.’ Thank you. That is all.” One reporter, however, was able wrestle out one further answer. She was a tall, saucy lady. “What of the Dictatorial Duo?” she asked. “Will they not come for you?” Uno, cool as a sidewalk in March, said, “Perhaps. But, you know, they dress in black, these pixies, and they cannot hurt me. Not really. I am god of fútbol. They? They are the nibble-nibble on the underside of boob.” Uno’s Skype feed then died, leaving only a black, scratchy screen.
The move to appoint the famed manager could not have come sooner for Dorning FC, as they dropped last weekend’s game to the Dictatorial Duo, who are currently under investigation for turf fixing. Next week Dorning FC will duke it out with the Fantasyship’s perennial bottom dweller: VfB Mannschaft, better known as, the Ape and the Mannequin.
Be sure to check The Daily Fantasyship tomorrow as we begin our seven part series unearthing the mysteries surrounding Uno’s exotic—sometimes erotic—summer fútbol retirement.
The Daily Fantasyship
Dorning FC Field Correspondent