In Which I Cover The Fantasyship’s Draft

The “Ingenious One” Wins Fantasyship Draft, Champions Blogosphere

Tense drama ensued on Sunday afternoon as Fantasyship Managers haggled over Europe’s top-tier players and teams.  The draft started in pomp with the presentation of last year’s trophies, as well as the unveiling of a new creation: the ass of a jackass, the Number One Loser trophy, a trophy that will more than likely be claimed each year by Manager Brian Gray’s, Right Shower ‘O Bastards.  After the trophied hoopla, the Managers began their draft in earnest.  The clear winner on the day was the “Ingenuous One” who drafted a full set of soccer assassins.  Before Peter’s first pick, he stood on the table and shed his collared shirt to reveal a nineteen shaved into his coarse, hoary chest hair.  The other managers were dumfounded, as they often are in life, and questioned the coaching prodigy.  “Nineteen?  Need you ask?” the “Ingenious One” responded, “it is the number of my nemesis, the number of a jackass, the past-and-paltry point accumulation of the tall bastard.”  He then stomped on Manager Christi Sletten’s Skype feed and drafted the hidden gem of the footballing world: Clint Dempsey.  In a moment of base eroticism, Manager Simeon Turner cried out, barking like a wet dog, “Despair, despair!  When Clint Dempsey wins the Golden Boot of the Fantasyship I will de-pant myself and shove the un-lubed jackass trophy through my under parts!”  The evening devolved after that, turning into a trained chimpanzee show.  The question hovering over the other Managers of the Fantasyship, however, like a dark storm cloud rising over a funeral: How did Peters unearth the dual sparkling diamonds, Clint Dempsey and Fulham FC?  According to the “Ingenuous One,” it was the blogosphere, “a strange and beautiful place, full of fancy and whim.  Homework I did; homework I do.  Graced with brilliance, my star shines brightly.”          

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