Renowned Manger to Coach in Lowly Premiership
Benjamin Peters, known for both his eccentricities and brilliance, was appointed as manager of the Premiership Club, Dorning FC last night, an astonishing move for the trophied manager who forged his unique style while becoming the only manager to win the Champions League four years in a row with four different teams from four different leagues. Known as “the Ingenious Chosen One of All Things Salvific and Soccer’ish,” Peters is said to relish the challenge of not only developing a weak club, but also a weak league. I met Peters at an eclectic coffee shop on Denver’s famous pedestrian walkway. I found him sitting in a back-corner booth facing the entrance (he refuses to sit with his back to others, a habit formed while serving as an intelligence operative in the United States Marine Corps). Sun streamed through the windows lighting the crisp-white pages of the book he was reading, “Strategy in Art, Soccer, and War” by Bernadardo Galliente the well-known Italian strategist. Peters sat down Galliente’s book to sip his café au lait. I slid into the booth opposite of him. “I assume you want to know why?” he asked over the din of clinking dishes and forced steam. “Yes,” I said, “the people want to know, the people have a right to know: Why now? Why this league? Why this team?” He answered: “A man inherited a field in which was an accumulation of old stone. He took some and built a tower. But his friends perceived at once (without troubling to climb the steps) that these stones had formerly belonged to a more ancient building. So they pushed the tower over, in order to look for hidden carvings and inscriptions, and to discover whence the man’s distant forefathers had obtained their material. They said: ‘This man is odd! Imagine his using these old stones to build a nonsensical tower! Why did he not restore his house?’ What they didn’t know, however, was from the top of that tower the view encompassed the sea.” “Excuse me?” I said. “Dorning FC is no longer a midrange team in a league of nobodies. It is a team for the ages in a league that my very presence validates. People try and deconstruct. They ask questions, they critique. But it is no secret: I am the best soccer coach gracing this world, divinely appointed to greatness. Do not destroy my tower; do not contradict my choices, for the view is magnificent from where I sit.” “Wait, are you claiming that you’ll win the Premiership in your first year?” The “Ingenious One” turned to the window, his face awash with sunlight, his dark hair rimmed with a supernatural halo, “Not only will I win, but I will teach these other teams and these others coaches a lesson in art, in creativity. When I am finished, all will see the view from my tower.” Fans of “the Ingenious One” wont have to wait long to see if he can make good on his claims, as his first appearance for Dorning FC will be televised on August 7th at 2PM Mountain Standard Time for the Premiership Draft (subject to change).